Chapter 1
I lose almost a hundred pounds in one year for a boyfriend who's too ashamed to admit I'm his girlfriend.
That boyfriend is Tyler Keane.
And today, after a year in Sweden, he's finally coming home.
I stand outside international arrivals with a bouquet pressed against my chest, checking my reflection in my phone for what has to be the twentieth time.
My hair looks fine.
My makeup hasn't smudged.
The black dress I bought last week fits exactly the way I wanted it to.
Still, my palms won't stop sweating.
Before Tyler left for his exchange program, he promised me one thing.
When he came back, we'd stop hiding.
No more pretending we were just childhood friends.
No more walking past each other on campus like strangers.
No more secret dates where none of his hockey teammates could see us.
I believed him.
Tyler and I grow up three houses apart.
In elementary school, he chases off boys who make fun of my weight.
In middle school, whenever I fall behind during gym class, he slows down and pretends he's just tired too.
That's probably when I start loving him.
But the older we get, the more people Tyler has around him.
And the stranger he acts around me.
When we're alone, he'll eat the food I bring him and spend hours stretched across my couch playing video games.
At Northlake University, it's different.
If his hockey teammates are around, he barely acknowledges me.
Sometimes he walks right past me.
When I finally ask why, he shrugs.
“The guys are assholes. If they know I like you, they'll never shut up about it.”
And somehow, I believe that too.
So when Tyler leaves for Sweden, I decide I'll give him one less reason to hide me when he comes back.
I quit soda.
I stop eating dessert.
I run every morning and every night.
At my worst, I pass out after a workout because I haven't eaten enough all day.
When I wake up, the first thing I ask is whether the workout still counts.
Stupid.
I know that now.
But for the entire year, I only have one thought.
When Tyler comes home, he'll finally look at me and be proud to call me his girlfriend.
The airport doors slide open.
A stream of passengers spills into the terminal.
Then I see him.
Tyler.
He's a little more tan than he was a year ago.
His dark hair is longer.
He's pushing a suitcase with one hand and wearing the black jacket I bought him for his birthday.
My heart jumps.
I take a step forward.
“Ty—”
A girl in a white dress runs past me.
She throws her arms around his neck.
Tyler catches her without hesitation.
Then he lowers his head and kisses her.
Not a friendly kiss.
Not a quick hello.
He kisses her like he's done it a hundred times before.
My fingers go numb around the flowers.
I know her.
Hailey Smith.
She's in the international studies program at Northlake.
Pretty.
Popular.
The kind of girl Tyler never pretends not to know.
Hailey laughs against his chest.
Then she looks around.
“So where's that chubby childhood friend of yours?”
My stomach drops.
“Didn't she come pick you up?”
Tyler lets out a laugh.
“She doesn't know I'm back today.”
“She messages you every day.”
“Yeah. It's exhausting.”
I stop breathing.
Tyler checks his phone like they're discussing the weather.
“If our parents weren't friends, I would've stopped dealing with her years ago.”
Hailey laughs.
“That's brutal.”
“You want brutal?”
Tyler slips one arm around her waist.
“Before I left, I gave one of my teammates the login to my backup Instagram account.”
Hailey blinks.
“For what?”
“So he could answer Stella for me.”
My fingers tighten around the bouquet.
Tyler smirks.
“I told her that was the account I'd be using while I was overseas.”
Hailey stares at him for a second.
Then she starts laughing.
“No way.”
“I'm serious.”
“And she never noticed?”
“Why would she?”
His voice is careless.
“She sees a reply and gets happy. That's all she cares about.”
The bouquet slips from my hands.
It hits the floor at my feet.
Neither of them hears it.
My phone vibrates.
I stare at the screen.
A notification appears from the private Instagram account Tyler gave me a year ago.
The same account I've talked to almost every night since he left.
The same account that reminds me to eat breakfast.
The same account that remembers when I have exams.
The same account that calls me baby before bed.
A new message appears.
**Morning, baby. You awake?**
Another one follows.
**Did you eat yet? Don't tell me you're doing coffee for breakfast again.**
I stare at the words until they blur.
Tyler is standing twenty feet away from me.
His arm is around another girl.
He hasn't even looked at his phone.
Which means the man who's been calling me baby for the past year...
isn't my boyfriend.
And suddenly, there's only one question left.
Who the hell have I been falling in love with?